do you know what it's like to see the rocketship blast off to space as you stand on the ground, knowing you are the pilot meant to fly it?
i started writing this blog last year, at the beginning of a deep decent into the darkest night, and though I have survived to see the breaking rays of dawn, and experience its warmth enveloping the cold frost of night, i wonder what this waterfall of words on screen contributes in the end?
maybe it's naive to wish for comments or critism on a blog i was too scared to claim ownership of in the past, but i keep looking, thinking, "this will be the day, the moment, someone reads this and...?"
I used to think writing is all i would do- according to "naomi's life goals" written when i was 17, i should have my 2nd published book on its way and have been blissfully married for 2.5 years...
not quite. not now. not even close.
my future remains unknown, although i am not sure it is uncharted. i am discovering there is fine line between despair and discovery, and too often we give up hope when unseen faith is being proven through unseen action yet to be recognized.
There is a throbbing part of me that so greatly desires to be validated through the recognition of myself as a bonafide "writer," yet i know that is not where the MORE in life exists.
I don't know if anyone reads this, and i'm asking myself if i should even continue, yet for the all this thinking... nothing of significance has materilized. i am sitting in the quiet din of chaos as action, voice, diligence, risk... pass me bye
"he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" J. Elliot
