Revival

Words lift like the mist of dawn
Dark and damp upon the brow

Life breaks and blossoms through earth broken
Survival sidelined by beauty un-jolted

Eye captures but a fragment of each creation
Pulsing as blood buried beneath the skin

Faceless determination hopes in what is yet unseen
Hearts harbor the blurred memory of a dream

Walking and waking
Waiting and praying

Tender shoot repelling cold
Revival through death reborn

FoundWanted

A quaint rhyme and verse
Where the roads diverge...

In all the moments
I've read you, loved you
Breathlessly murmured lyric to enshrine you

Little did I see the web spread
Between the roads, and I

Sweet enchantments of your love
Countless threads of vapor
To hold our past in time

I tread softly
Bright distinct flakes engulf me
The remnants of where I've been
submersed and mislead

The sweat of the struggle
Brushing against the tapestry woven
Sweet broken lies spoken

In this blizzard of recompense
Clawing through the bramble
Reaching these ever numbing limbs

Desperate to be found wanted

Aware
With every step
Seeking a break in the storm

I risk finding myself in the clearing
Of the the two roads diverging
Subtle sickly web awaiting

A compass deluded to the point of returning

Caustic Solution

There

In Abandon, it sits
Kept in isolation

The acid drip

The stopper pressed down
though labeled warning
holding focus

Livid memories unhinged
by the heart
broken

Long collecting dust
use and need
neglected

the caustic flame holding breath

Potent Singeing Solution
Tangible dis-abler in death

Destination Unknown/Destination Disconnect

One is reality, the other, reflection
Both mimic greater glories concealed
In reaching the destination
we find the journey forgotten

Trapped between the glass dome of reality
And the thin ice of harbored dreams

The naked forest cloaked in alabaster
Snow, circumvented relief
The disconnect of worlds
Not held by death

But life, awaiting patiently

Bridge of Forgotten Dreams

Faint through a mist of melancholy
Strong against grey bark and midnight blue
A figure rises beckoning
Through billowing smoke of blank memories

And I in turn
despondent

Lower the moat
Hands leveling fear against hope
Eyes piercing
Starlit. Revived.
Across the bridge

Of forgotten dreams

the quiet din of chaos

do you know what it's like to see the rocketship blast off to space as you stand on the ground, knowing you are the pilot meant to fly it?

i started writing this blog last year, at the beginning of a deep decent into the darkest night, and though I have survived to see the breaking rays of dawn, and experience its warmth enveloping the cold frost of night, i wonder what this waterfall of words on screen contributes in the end?

maybe it's naive to wish for comments or critism on a blog i was too scared to claim ownership of in the past, but i keep looking, thinking, "this will be the day, the moment, someone reads this and...?"

I used to think writing is all i would do- according to "naomi's life goals" written when i was 17, i should have my 2nd published book on its way and have been blissfully married for 2.5 years...

not quite. not now. not even close.

my future remains unknown, although i am not sure it is uncharted. i am discovering there is fine line between despair and discovery, and too often we give up hope when unseen faith is being proven through unseen action yet to be recognized.

There is a throbbing part of me that so greatly desires to be validated through the recognition of myself as a bonafide "writer," yet i know that is not where the MORE in life exists.

I don't know if anyone reads this, and i'm asking myself if i should even continue, yet for the all this thinking... nothing of significance has materilized. i am sitting in the quiet din of chaos as action, voice, diligence, risk... pass me bye


"he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" J. Elliot

new song

these are lyrics to a new song I've been working on since HQ

I will not be satisfied with the lesser things of men
My extravagant delight is the refining of your hands

I've searched the world over the hear the whisper of your voice
But nothing was louder than the peace after the storm

You're lifting me up
You're calling me out
To freedom

Receive this heart of stone
In your love, make it your own
Take the brokenness you've seen
By your grace, restore life to me

As i look to You, everlasting love

I will look to you
I will look to you
I will look to you
Where my help comes from
Everlasting love

eye see

way up high
painted against sky of blue
a wisp of white-ish cloud
sails past the moon

seeing only
half of the whole
eye in time
revealing what i already know

more

endurance is only as strong as the runner...

he rummages through the final pages left
hiding disappointment with every breath

it was always so easy to walk away
put off the big push for another day

far more often the voice that whispered
paralyzed- it wouldn't make a difference to the world

yet here he was failing, and smothering a mix of regret
holding his head high, with hope becoming like wet cement

he was failing, but not failure
will he see, the greater design of the Ultimate Tailor?

weaving pieces together like a puzzle slowly laid
each part of the picture creating a more beautiful display

it's only a matter of time and pain for endurance to endure
but as in every race, endurance is only as strong as the runner

Dismantled

I wrote this back in march...but i like it... so

Dismantled

With an infusion of truth,
Tempered by profane clarity
Take this fixation,
Obsessive reel of self-destruction
Peel back the layers of skin
Hiding and protecting the transparency within.

Dismantle the live wires
Entangled with my veins

Dismantle the wild lies
Entangled in my pains

The view above the storm

The plane lifted ever upward,
maintaining a steady course, even
as turbulence jilted the passengers.
A quick survey out the window revealed
complete immersion into the clouds, though
the storm we had just pulled out of continued
to assail our friends and family left on the ground.

Ever reaching for the great beyond, the plane emerged
high above the clouds, the storm below now a
distant memory, cloaked and carried away.

Here, at the edge of darkness, between
the pillow of clouds and canopy of
galaxy, magnificent color unfurls-
Deep tangerine orange morphing
into aqua blue, light spilling
through their embrace, as
quiet night encompasses
them, lighting their
dance with starlight.

This is my view from
here, and I do not
try to muzzle this
irrepressible smile.

How many times have
I slipped amidst
the gloom of
a rainy
down
forgetting
just past
the clouds

Your laughter
ripples luminous
colors to clothe
the bare
sky?

"Chayah"

So long trapped in the deadness of my sin
Now embraced in Your life, born again

It is not like it was before, nor will it be
Time to process through, the beginning of You, the end of me

Overwhelmed by Your love

I had left all, forsaken, forgotten.... FORGIVEN

You rescued me from the fire
You are my love, my life, my desire

I am broken
By Your grace, I will be whole

I am taking the face off, the shame gone, life will be restored
I am taking the fight there, to the heart of the battle, victory will be Yours

The sky is breaking, the earth is shaking, and i am running...

To Dawn breaking, Light creating, Hope of Your Embrace

Repose

A sparrow flies without a nest
A dove returns unable to rest

In flight, each may seek a path of liberty
Yet year after year, they return to places of familiarity

How long will tweety bird remain caged prey?
The cat taunts with key, but cannot fly away

Potent lips drip with smoke, waiting for you to speak
You offer a gift of no revoke, yet I refuse to concede

Movement of numbed emotion
Hope of low proportion

Nothing to show for the appeasement of our greed
We want and want, yet are full of need

You know the moment the words came alive and I believed
You know the moment their words became death and shattered dreams

Even in the darkest night, the stars align
Even in the darkest hour, love sacrificed

A farewell song

Lay down, why don't you lay down your weary head?
I know you've been running a long time

Don't leave, Mama! Don't leave just yet
I've been waiting with this heart------------- of mine

You don't have to keep trudging down this dusty road
There's been punishment enough- you don't have to be alone

If you would just

Lay down, lay down your weary head...

I kept waiting and praying for the day you'd come home
I've been told this is all the love you have
But I don't know how---------- to let go

Mama!
Lay down, lay down your weary head
We've been running such a long time

Why must you leave, leave as the sun sets?
While I am waiting with this heart------- trapped in time

Mama!

Everyday I'm bleeding, and through these tears I'm pleading
But I hear His voice calling, calling me home

Mama!

Today my heart is breaking, but there will be no maintaining...
Farewell! Farewell! Farewell! Farewell!

Lay down, I will lay down my weary head
No more running from what I can't deny

I believe, believe the sun will rise yet
And there will be peace for this-----------
Heart of mine

The song I write for You

A question reverberates through the corridors of my hollowed mind
Where is the song, the song I write for you?

A medley of the appropriate melodies molded to the shape of each word
I have written and dedicated a thousand such moments

And if I could just erase the pain, the blinding inspiration misplaced through the years, I might unlock the mysteries and find this tongue loosed in its love

Yes, I would write the song, the song I write... For You

It's hard to find words for someone who takes your breath away
Knowing every moment with You transplants beauty into my soul

A question reverberates through the corridors of my desperate mind
How can I write the song, the song to write... For You?

And if I could just erase the pain, the blinding fear manipulated through the years,
I might unlock the mysteries and find this tongue loosed in its love... For You

There's never been a doubt- You are the melody carried through this voice
Even in my doubt, Your love has lifted me beyond the pinnacles of fear

Now I'm doing so much more than just surviving, because You write the song...
The song
In me

One day, I will translate the inaudible melodies climbing through the heavens
And you will hear a song with notes as beautiful as the sun dreaming and the harvest moon blossoming in the night...

And then, you will hear the song, the song I write for you
Yes, you will hear the song, the song I write... for you

old stuff

this is a piece from a good while back, but until I've new goodies to put out, this will do...

Tears of Tomorrow

She stumbled in quietly and asked for a private corner.
All she wanted were some crackers and tea with sugar on the side.
It was a slow night, so I watched her with care.

At first, I thought she was sleeping, her head slumped over, with heavy sighs falling from her chest...
But suddenly her body jerked up, as if awakening from a nightmare, tears streaking down her face like unforgiving rain, soaking through every layer.

The pain in her eyes was undeniable- one could only guess the amount of heartache she had been through. I felt so helpless just standing there, but i didn't know what to do.

Lethargically, I floated through the remainder of my shift, everything a soft blur except her sad, melancholy face.
With attempted sincerity, I questioned how her day was going.
She responded in tears and exasperated turmoil.
I withdrew to the kitchen to bring her fresh tea-On the way out, i shed a few tears myself.

Arriving at her secluded corner, all that remained were several old, decaying pictures of a mother and her children. Beside them lay a simple note:

"I'm sorry I didn't give you more. You deserve it regardless-

that
will never change."

Impulsively, I swept up the pictures as I would any well-earned tip, choking back tears, soaking in the sight of her family.
It was all I had ever wanted, but love was not something my mother knew how to give.
Tears spilled down my cheeks and dribbled over my chin, trickling down under my collar... my shift was over. It was time to go home.

***

I had not seen my mother for over five years. Why she choose to reappear now I may never know. She walked into my life just as abruptly as she once walked out, leaving me only with this one hollow memory...the unforgotten tears of tomorrow

Eve

Eve
First of women
To bear the self-imposed curse
Set upon us.....forever?

Sealed with lust for the forbidden
Compounded by teeth sinking
Consuming
Ignoring consequence of swallowing the bite

The fate of man confounded by the seduction of woman
Had Adam forsaken you
Choosing to
Wait
Walk
Side by side with God

Who would we be instead?

Your daughters remain
Bound
Banished
Our strenght diminished by the sin now birthed in man

Drawn to the shade under the tree
The sweet forbidden
Consuming
Conflicting
Offering a taste...

Not to the man who walks with God
Knowing he cannot be called away from his Creator

Turning to the serpent
Deceiver
Understanding fraility...alone

When Love and Fear Collide

...And it is, tearing me apart times

The trace of our path is being erased, our voices caught and carried through the dark pines, until only silence remains to unearth the moment our hearts turned away.

Words seem pointless and awash at this intersection

Contemplating beyond that fragile reality frozen in time... is like staring through a looking glass as the sun blossoms in the sky, where all the world is warm and bright, and the heavens are illuminated by the blush of dawn

In that sacred breath, all that is felt, all that is seen, blurs the reality of the pain and loss experienced, the consequences following choice and mistake.

All you know is the wonder of the world before you

An Imaginary world? Yes
But a Beautiful World

*****

The naive glory of innocent love is too soon tainted by the curse of Eden
The warmth of justified and unintentional action disbanded by truth and conscience

The sun implodes into a kaleidoscope of falling stars and black holes, destroying life rather than supplying it

This is the reality beyond the looking glass

Whatever illusions I have given myself to, in this grandeur of unveiling, I am naked before the world, every hidden flaw blatantly exposed and laid bare

I am in the garden, ashamed, covered in the knowledge of good and evil

Precipe

His heart was bleeding dry to change her, bring her back from stone
His fear kept him holding on, but it was love she was begging to let her go

The choice not to quit was losing its grip
An oil ladened precipe, she was prepared to slip

Hoping the novacain would lessen the pain, she was dying to feel
The truth had a way of addressing realities, lacking in appeal

Pinned under the rock, her body entered a state of shock

And cutting herself loose, or letting the life pass on through
Left her evaluating which was the lesser evil to choose

Erase

he who has ears to hear, let him hear...

Was it truly possible to wipe the slate clean
To scrub through the remains of what has been?

I'm told you can take this wretched filth of my sin
And make it white as snow
I'd rather you erase the memories that haven't let go

For a moment could we please forget
You've always loved me, though I've failed every attempt
To live up... to that

Erase the memories of who I've been
The broken melody that I sing
Erase the images that are no longer me
Revive the conviction that you're all I need
Restore the hope to be all you see
Erase me

Were the walls all that was holding me back
When you unshackled the chains, did I even know?

I'm told you can take this shattered heart of stone
And make it beautiful
I'd rather you erase the realities that keep taking hold

For a moment, can we please forget
You'll always love me
Though I walk away without looking back

Erase the memories of who I've been
The broken melodies that I sing
Erase the images that are no longer me
Revive the conviction that You're all I need
Restore the hope to be all you see
Erase me

For a moment, I see no regret
and you love me
With grace that overwhelms
All i lack
Take the memories of who I've been, Heal the broken melodies, let them sing. Break the images i no longer seek. Revive the passion, for you're all i need. Restore the hope to be all you see
Erase me

Solitude

I traveled to the summer shores
In the dead of winter still

I entered the winter wood cold and worn
And there, in the bite of the wind

Encompassed by the echo of empty dunes
Escaped into a hidden hollow for my darkness

Filled with the sweet company
Of solitude