Confessions: Chapter 1

I wrote this a few months ago during a service at church... it is a prayer of depravity and desperation, the deep discontent of a prodigal who has been too long away from home to remember... that it was her who choose to leave and seek her own path-NL

Sing the songs, say the simple prayer
Stand and say "amen" in the conditioned air
How do i mean it from my heart
When sometimes i don't feel a thing
How intense is my "i love you"
When sacrifice is trumped by complaceny
Once my love was pure, my hopes ran high
I was unabashed to say, "you will never be denied"
Now, I stand with believers in a room resounding with praise
I stand as I always have, honoring Your name
Yet my mind wanders to the question lingering: How much longer will I trust, a God who hides his face from me?
What does it take to leave this place of pomp and circumstance
To corridors unseen, where only servants pass?
I've grown tired of waiting in the splendor of your golden halls
Give me rags for riches, let me be the least of all
I've been told I'm like a daughter, by children who do not speak
Save my heart from slaughter; refrain from flatter with words you do not mean
I will not crave your praise, when mine has been so empty
I will not ask for your embrace; I will not hide my jealousy
Here is my confession, my imperfections and vulnerability
Here is my heart, hope deferred, faith unseen